Have you ever wanted to gurgle penises without your friends calling you gay? Now you can protect yourself with Quantum™ NFC technology that is guaranteed to keep you straight, no matter how many balls you gurgle... if no more than 10 per month. Or go Unlimited.
Our patented No-Homo Protocol™ uses NFC frequencies to emit a constant field of plausible deniability around the wearer.
Choose your plan and activate your No-Homo Chip™. Your coverage begins immediately upon chip activation.
Embed, implant, or simply carry your NFC chip. As long as it's on your person, you're protected.
Suck up to 10 dicks per month with full heterosexual coverage. The chip handles the rest.
Monitor remaining coverage in real-time via our companion app. Get notified as you approach your limit.
We've thought of everything so you don't have to think about anything.
Our NFC field generates a 3-meter radius of heterosexual energy. Anyone within range can confirm: not gay.
Track your monthly quota, view usage history, and get push notifications when you're running low.
Your dick-sucking data is fully encrypted. We couldn't leak it even if we wanted to. And we don't.
No waiting period. Coverage starts the second you tap your chip. Pre-suck anxiety? Gone.
Works in 194 countries. NFC signals don't care about borders, and neither does your coverage.
Log activities, set reminders, and share your "Covered" status with friends. Optional flex mode included.
Whether you need monthly protection or a clean slate, we've got a plan for you.
Every active subscriber receives a digitally signed Certificate of Straight — cryptographic proof that you are, in fact, not gay.
No-Homo Standard
No-Homo Unlimited
The Regret Plan™
Already have a chip? Verify your status and download your certificate now.
Verify Your ChipSign up for early access and be first in line when the No-Homo Chip™ drops. No payment required — just your interest (and your dignity).
Real questions from real subscribers.